We live in a fishbowl society. Every move we make is documented, analyzed, picked apart and judged. As an entrepreneur this can be so hard and even impossible for so many to overcome. Too often business owners out there are riddled with the fear of being judged, rejected or in the spotlight. What will people think if I share my message? What will they say? How will they react?
The coach in me wants to tell you that those fears are a beacon to the things you need to deal with. If you feel real fear over being rejected, then that is within you. It is something that you need to take a good look at and ask “why?” Why are you afraid of being rejected? What happened in your life to make you fear that moment of someone not liking you or your offer? Really try to take a moment and identify what it is that triggers you in that situation and look at it. Just by looking at it we take away the power just a little bit. Every time we look at it we disable it more and more. So, look at your fears. Look at the triggers and dig into them without abandon. Shine a bright spotlight on them and you will soon find that they are not as daunting any longer.
Judgement is the biggest fear of all, isn’t it? We have this gut based anxiety over what everyone will say, think and feel about us and our actions. We obsessively watch our social media, replay conversations in our heads and check our inbox for the response to something we’ve said or done. It’s a real thing, and today I want to encourage you to look at judgement differently. Below I’m sharing the three ways I put a new spin on the fear of being judged and rejected.
Start by turning inward. Is what you’re doing, saying or putting out there for the greater good of society? Will it change someone’s life? Does it solve a problem? Make life easier? Inspire others? Is it a heart based offering, thought or service? If it is, good! If it’s not, then turn the tables and ask yourself how you can provide it in a way that it SERVES others. How can you reframe it so that it’s good, kind and of value.
I love that saying “Before you speak, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?” Not only should you be using this to guide your words, but you should use it as a guide for your actions as well. Are they true to who you are? Are they full of kindness and goodness? Are they necessary to help/change/inspire another human being?
Here’s the thing: if you can answer yes to those 3 questions, then any judgment that comes your way is not about you.
Reframe the way you look at judgment. The world is going to judge. We can’t stop people who have different perspectives, viewpoints, histories and priorities from judging who we are as people. That is an uphill battle. We can however, change the way WE look at being judged.
If you’re an entrepreneur and someone is judging you? GOOD! It means they are hearing what you have to say, seeing your posts, reading your blogs and listening to your words. Isn’t the point of being an entrepreneur to be in front of people? To share your message, mission and dreams with as many people as you can? It is!! From this point forward, when someone says something snarky on your social media, mentions your live videos at a party or blasts you with their unsolicited criticism in any negative way, silently say THANK YOU. It means that your message is out there. It means they SEE you.
Let go of that misconception that you can go through life being liked by everyone. Even Oprah-freaking-Winfrey has haters. The goal isn’t to be liked by millions, it’s to be heard by millions. Your message has legs in both the positive and negative spaces and maybe – just maybe – it will bring a ray of light to the darkness for someone who’s judging you. Isn’t it possible that if your message is good, heart centered and truly changing lives that a year from now your hater may realize that you’re not so bad after all? Isn’t it possible that they are criticizing you and judging you BUT ALL THE WHILE, they are also hearing your words – and slowly you are making an impact. We live in a microwave society where we want everything now – even our impact – but change takes time and cannot be rushed. Ultimately your message can cause change – even in the dark corners of judgement if you continue to show up, put it out there and have patience for it to take hold in the hearts of those who need it most.
My last tip for spinning the judgement in your life is to turn inward again and realize that 99% of the time, the judgement and rejection coming at you has absolutely nothing to do with YOU. I know you’ve heard this before, right? When someone is throwing shade at me, I will mentally remind myself that they are on a journey different from mine. They may be a young soul, having not yet learned what it means to have tolerance. Being who I am as a person means that I’ve learned compassion, understanding and have the ability to send some positive energy to the person in front of me and wish them well.
I know it’s easier said than done when someone is calling you a horrible name or telling you that your dreams are shit. I get it. Here’s the kicker: that’s part of your journey. Learning to rise above those things is a lesson you need to learn. Accept it for what is, throw the person some love and wish them well. If you’re on social, delete the negative comment from your post and move on. It’s not about you. It’s about them. Every time. Maybe they are in a bad situation at home and trolling the internet to lash out makes them feel better. Maybe they see you succeeding and are jealous because the fears have them trapped. Maybe they’re just angry at the world for a string of obstacles. Whatever the case, it’s not about you. Tattoo that on your arm if you have to, but continually remind yourself that IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.
Does any of this make going Live on facebook any easier? Hell no. It’s still scary and overwhelming. My last tip: Do it scared. Every day just show up, face your fears and do it scared. I promise you that with time it will get easier and the next thing will have you shaking in your boots, but a year from now you’ll be thanking me for this. Just put on the blinders, find your gumption and do it scared.
Love & Light,